Taking Flight.

Why do I bother pacifying you. I’m willing to help if you’re willing to speak up. I dont have the time and energy to chase you to get you to open up, I really don’t. If you dont want to think for me, please think for yourself.

There are a lot of things I dont actually understand. There are a lot of emotions that I cannot hold within, such that I feel so angsty and I end up saying things I dont mean or saying things that were supposed to be more.. befitting, considering I’m in cell ministry and considering that I’m already 16. I walk a painful path. Yet every step will be worth it even as He guides me through it all. 

Just this anguish in my heart because I cannot express myself. It’s like a desperate desire to see her everyday, not just because I have a crush on her but because she’s one of the most amazing friends I have ever had.

She doesn’t know and it has to stay that way.

Meanwhile, what can I do? It’s just so confusing and I don’t know how to solve this, how to make myself feel better, how to just remove all these feelings and emotions because it’s taking a toll on me.

I miss you so bad, I wish I can embrace waiting better.

The thing is that I’m permanently thinking about her. Being a realist, here’s a dilemma - I have to wait for about 3-7 years, depending on the boundaries that I set for myself. Can I wait that long? But everything that had happened for the past month/months screams at me that she is worth fighting for. She is worth fighting for.

I miss you so.